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There is most definitely a proper and improper use of sex toys, and the usage parameters I believe are even more compounded in the “Christian” zone.

There are several areas in which marital aids may be used within the compound of marriage. Those are:

1. Sex Toys Awaken Sexual Awareness There’s no disputing that orgasms feel good. Sex toys help you have better, stronger, longer orgasms, or just plain have an orgasm at all. They are in fact a “learning tool”. They are also a guarantee that each participant within the marriage will want to come back for more. Hence abolishing the “I have a headache”, scenario. After all, how many of you men out there would be into bi-weekly intimate interludes if you knew it would never lead to climax? Ahhh…I’m guessing – none of you. So why would husband’s expect their wives to and even more surprising, why would wives want to. Yes, there is always the “I want to please my husband” component, but that should coincide with I want to please my wife initiative. There is a simple solution to this problem, you can both be satisfied!

2. Sex Toys are Fun. What marriage couldn’t use more fun to mix up their everyday grind. Most couples get bored with their sex lives at some point in their relationships. Sex toys add a bit pizzazz to the relationship and keep the fires burning. Using a sex toy together can bring you closer; sharing new experiences together can be very intimate and the conversations they stir up can also have a positive affect on sexual communication, which is extremely important to be the best lover you can be to your spouse.

3. Sex Toys Can Make Sex Better…and who doesn’t want better sex. Let’s face it, we can always be better than what we are at pleasing our spouse sexually. So guess what, you never need to stop trying! Women, to the most part, have difficulty achieving orgasms unless they receive clitoral stimulation (most of those who say they can, are simply just not telling the truth.) which can be difficult to manage during intercourse alone. Also, many men have trouble sustaining their erections as long as they would like or need to satisfy their wife in this way. Sex toys can help in both of those situations. They can also enhance a perfectly good lovemaking session, adding just enough “oomph” to turn a great experience into an outstanding one. For those of you that are reaching leaps and bounds in your sex lives without the needs of any marital aids, GOOD FOR YOU. You may consider though filling the rest of us in on this BLOG. (:

So, now that you have been given three of the main reasons Marital Aids (Sex Toys) are used within the realms of a Christian marriage, stay tuned to find out…

…WHEN WE SHOULDN’T USE SEX TOYS!

My Beloved’s Garden

TRY THESE HELPFUL SITES AND INSPIRING BOOK SUGGESTIONS:

http://www.awomanshealingjourney.com/helpfulart/newresourcesforpartners.htm
http://www.supportworks.org/cat785.htm
http://www.exodus.to/content/view/268/53/
http://wsr.byu.edu/Issues__Pornography__What_To_Do_If_A_Loved_One_Is_Addicted_To_Pornography.htm
http://www.pureonline.com/video-news01-11-06.aspx
http://www.lakeweb1.com/mrp/LinksSexualAddiction.htm

Books on Sexual Addiction
Addicted to Love
By Stephen Arterburn
Servant
An Affair of the Mind
By Laurie Hall
Focus on the Family Publishing
Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus
By Bob Davies and Russell Willingham
InterVarsity
Caught in the Net: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction
By Kimberly S. Young
John Wiley & Sons
Contrary to Love
By Patrick Carnes
CompCare Publishing
Crisis in Masculinity (Homosexuality)
By Leanne Payne
Don’t Call it Love
By Patrick Carnes
Bantam Books
The Drug of the New Millennium: The Science of How Internet Pornography Radically Alters the Human Brain and Body
By Mark Kastleman
Granite Publishing and Distribution, LLC
Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time
By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Waterbrook Press
Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation
By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey
WaterBrook Press
Every Woman’s Battle
By Shannon Ethridge
WaterBrook
Facing Love Addiction
By Pia Melody
Harper
Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery
By Patrick Carnes
Gentle Path Press
Faithful and True: Sexual Integrity in a Fallen World
By Mark Laaser
Zondervan
Faithful and True Workbook
By Mark Laaser
Lifeway Press
Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
By Dr. Mark Laaser
Zondervan
Illusions of Intimacy: Unmasking Patterns of Sexual Addiction and Bringing Deep Healing to Those Who Struggle
By Signa Bodishbaugh
Sovereign World
Lonely All the Time
By Ralph Earle & Gregory Crow
Pocket Books
Men’s Secret Wars
By Patrick Means
Fleming H. Revell
No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Shame
By Marnie Ferree
Xulon
Out of the Depths of Sexual Sin:
The Story of My Life and Ministry
By Steve Gallagher
Pure Life Ministries
Out of the Shadows
Patrick Carnes
CompCare Publishers
Pornography Trap
By Ralph Earle & Mark Laaser
Beacon Hill Press
Sexual Addiction: The Way Out of the Web (mini-book)
To order, call Hope For the Heart at 972-239-9999
Sexual Anorexia
By Patrick Carnes
Hazelden
The Skinner Box Effect: Sexual Addiction and Online Pornography
By T.M. Grundner
Writers Club Press
Books on Coaddiction/Codependency
Back From Betrayal
By Jennifer Schneider
Recovery Resources Press
Beyond Codependency
By Melody Beattie
Harper/Hazelden
Boundaries and Relationships
By Charles L. Whitfield
Deerfield Beach
Codependant No More
By Melody Beattie
Harper/Hazelden
Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars
By Marsha Means
Revell
Love is a Choice
By Robert Hemfelt
Thomas Nelson Publishing
Partner’s Healing Journey Workbook
By Marsha Means
Prodigals International
Partner’s Recovery Guide
By Douglas Weiss Order from Heart to Heart Counseling Centers P.O. Box 51055
Colorado Springs, CO 80949
Voice: 719-278-3708
Women Who Love Too Much
By Robin Norwood
Pocket Books

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1. Leave a passionate note under his pillow

2. When he goes out of town, pack his favourite cookies in his suitcase (carefully)

3. Let him continue to dominate the TV remote control (without complaining)

4. Develop a common hobby

5. When you drive his car and change radio stations, set the dial back to his favourite station (and don’t forget to push the driver’s seat UP.

6. Write him a personal poem for this birthday.

7. Never, NEVER, interrupt him when he’s watching TV and it’s a tie game with fourth-down-and-goal –to –go.

8. Tell him when his zipper is down (and that will become more frequent a the years pas by).

9. Reward his good behaviour

10. Write him a love letter and send it to his business address

11. If feasible, go on one of his business trips and offer to help him where you can

12. Take a nap together (sleep, fool around, give him a back rub or scratch)

13. Give him a loufa bath

14. For ‘no special reason” buy him a gift certificate for private lessons for something he has always wanted to learn or do

15. Hand make a Valentines Day card

16. At a restaurant, let him eat his whole dessert (don’t say you don’t care for any, then eat half of his).

17. When he’s kinda down offer to sop what you’re dong and pray together

18. Give him a stocking at Christmas full of his favourite little things

19. Keep a supply of this favourite cold drinks in the fridge

20. Take a community college class together (computer, creative writing, etc.)

21. When someone asks him a question, never answer for him

22. Ask questions about his favourite sport

23. Work together to elect a government official

24. In bed at night take turns reading aloud new book you both want to read

25. Sew missing buttons on his shirt before he mentions it

26. Give him time o unwind when he first comes home from work

27. Ask him about his day before you tell him about yours

28. Laugh at his corny jokes even if you’ve heard them before

29. Look at your wedding pictures together

30. Don’t be his mother

31. Have your picture taken together in a photo booth

32. Learn a foreign language together

33. Thank God for your husband EVERY DAY!

SEX:

Men have their highest levels of testosterone between the hours of 2 and 6 in the morning. So that will explain those affectionate mornings when you are still too tired to speak (even better!) So women, if your husband having difficulty achieving an erection, set your alarm a little earlier tomorrow morning.

A man needs to be sexually satisfied in order for him to feel confident with his life and his marriage. There is nothing worse than in unconfident husband with low self esteem, so meet their realistic needs ladies.

Keep communication open in the bedroom. Men love to get positive feedback before, during and after sex. They are conquerors and it is very important to them that you loved it as much as they did. If they never get positive feedback, you will break down the intimacy between you.

It IS physical! When the vessels fill up, there is a strong physical need for release approximately every 3 days. No joke.

Men go into a type of Menopause too, it is called Andropause. At this time there testosterone decreases along with their sex drive. Natural hormones can be a lifesaver during this time of drought. It this is an issue with your husband, do the research but, stay natural.

Do you ever wonder why your husband is ready to jump into the sack after an argument? When you are still upset needing at least a few days to fully get over things and want to express your love on a sexual level. Hormone increase explains a part of it, but men also think in boxes which enables them to compartmentalize their thoughts. They can leave your argument in once box and simply jump into another box. With men thinking about sex every 6 minutes, they don’t want to stay in any given box for long. Also, men have a need just like us women do, to feel that everything is OK with you, and what would be a better way to achieve that then to make love to their wife and have that love returned to them. This however isn’t always possible for the woman, and men need to come to that understanding too. This is just one of our unique differences.

BE HIS CHAMPION:

Do no compare him to other men, whether is the neighbor, your best friend’s husband, your ex-boyfriend, or even your ex-husband. Daydreaming and drooling over movie stars in front of your spouse in not only unkind but very unrealistic.

Reading romance novels for many women can be a dangerous pastime. It makes us as women concentrate on what could and what should be, and this concentration on the negative can drive a wedge between us and our husbands. Romance novels may look like the optimum circumstance but they are fiction and set you up for many disappointments. We mustn’t make our husbands feel inadequate; this will only destroy them as husbands, and ultimately ruin us for what we want most. How would you feel if your husband came home with a playboy magazine, opened it to the centerfold, pointed out the beautiful, voluptuous, thin women featured on it and asked you, “why don’t you look like her”? Would you not think he was cruel? How long would it be before you felt loving and wanted to become intimate with him? The “physical” aspect is the equivalent of the “emotional” that most of us women look to complete ourselves with our husbands.”

Cheer him on through the tough days he faces at work. Pray for him and offer to pray with him (and actually do it!) before he runs out that door. Give him a big smile, a hug and a kiss when he gets home. Give his back or head a good fingernail scratch before going to bed a night.

Discover your husband’s strengths and encourage them. (Romans 12, Ephesians 4)

WATCH THE CRITISISM:

It takes many kind words to overcome the damage of one criticism. Choose your words wisely and don’t sweat the small stuff. Passiveness IS strength. However, do not allow hurt feelings and irritations to build up – such refrain will end in emotional explosion. These never turn out well.

Timing is everything. Choose a time when thing are going well to bring up areas of dissension. Pray about how you will disclose the issue(s) you wish to bring up prior to speaking with your spouse – better yet, pray with your spouse. Never choose a time to speak when your spouse if under stress already, especially when your request is going to add to his already overwhelming schedule. Always remember, no multiple dumping.

It is always better to allow your frustrations to turn to tears rather than allowing your defense mechanisms to show your anger. Anger results in name calling and blaming which only gets your husbands back up, when tears brings you closer to the heart of the matter. After all, it is usually the feeling of hurt which is the real issue, the anger you feel is the army of your heart, and that means “fight mode”!

Do not belittle his complements to you. Say “thank you” and accept them to be true.

REMEMBER YOU THINK DIFFERENTLY:

You may think differently but you are of equal value in front of the Lord. The Holy Spirit lives within you both, and you need to remember that when you speak to your spouse you are also speaking to the Holy Spirit. An interesting angle wouldn’t you say?

Women are all about AFFECTION & CONVERSATION

Men are all about COMPANIONSHIP & SEX

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR BODY:

This means inside and out.

NEED THEIR WIFE TO BE FEMININE:

I know this one seems a little strange to some, but not all women drip with femininity, and evidently, this is high on men’s list of needs. I guess it goes back to the “balance” thing. It is what separates us from the boys and what probably landed them in the first place. Most men love to see their ladies dress us for them, the smell of their perfume, they way they walk in their heels, and especially their softer more feminine voice. They just love their wife’s softer side. Between you and me, there is much power in your feminine ways, it is like kryptonite, so don’t hold back, let it flow in your marriage.

KEEP HIS CONFIDENCES:

You know how we spoke about being our spouse’s companion, well here is the next step – keep their secrets. Would you want your best friend to divulge your deepest secrets? So why would you tell your best friend, your parents or anyone else what your husband has told you in confidence. (Once again, unless you are in an abusive relationship,) your spouse needs to come first. You must form a team facing trials together and keeping your secrets within a fortress that only he and you hold the key. This is what builds intimacy in your marriage.

Remember the above still counts during prayer time during bible study. This is not the time, “in the name of prayer and people who care about you”, to start spilling all your husbands secrets, or your marital problems. These issues should always be discussed prior to your bible studied and agreed upon.

BE HIS CHEERLEADER:

Be your husband’s cheerleader. Just as you want him to notice all the little things you do, you need to notice the little things he does and commend him in detail. “Thank you Honey for changing the toilet paper roll in the bathroom and putting the plastic wrap from it in the trash. I really appreciate you doing that!” Or, “Thank you Darling for taking care of that telemarketer who called and asked for me, while I am cooking dinner – you saved me!” I’m sure you get the point.

When he comes home from work and tells you that he has gotten that promotion, or won over that particular client, show your admiration. Maybe even cook him a special celebratory meal or dessert, or anything else you maybe able to pull out of your sleeve.

Tell him how it turns you on how great he has been with the kids, or that you love the shirt he is wearing, or how yummy he smells with his new cologne or after shave.

Husbands love to be noticed for what they do, and this tip will take you far….trust me.

Wives, you are your husbands mirror!

Men are not nearly as complex as women regarding the everyday going’s on, but when it comes to their emotional make-up, there is some very important guidelines to follow if you want a confident, respectable and responsive husband.

THEY NEED TO FEEL SIGNIFICANT:

Men generally need to feels like their life is significant and that they are needed. But it goes even farther than this. They have a deep rooted need to feel like they are the best at it. They need to be a better father than brother Dan, a better breadwinner than his best buddy Mark, a better husband and lover than that romantic movie you watch every time you do the ironing. They just need to feel like they have it ALL trumped. But not necessarily do they need to know that this is how they are viewed to everyone, but they do need to know this is how “you” view them.

THE NEED TO FEEL COMPLETE (OR COMPLETED):

I know it sounds like some cliché out of a Women’s Weekly, but men too need to feel completed, and you are the woman for the job. God created woman complete man, and left him a need to be completed by her. It might be balancing him out, or backing him up, or just sitting beside him while he watches the game, but there is no doubt that he needs you to complete his life.

HE NEEDS YOU TO BE HIS COMPANION:

You may not be able to wrestle, get through the whole Friday night football game, or get excited by his peg board full of tools, but you without any doubt are his best friend. So sometimes when he asks you to come along with him to do what you see as the silliest tasks, GO! It is a complement to you and show of his affection that is completely non-sexual, (that’s right ladies, there are no strings), he just wants to be with you.

Sometimes we forget what our spouses really are to us. One day, if that day has not already come, our parents will pass away, our children will move away, our friends will become busy in their own jobs, families and the problems that go with them, and we will will find ourselves alone with our spouse. Our spouse will be our constant. You will undergo financial struggles, bad hair cuts, sexual complications, medical conditions, teenagers, senile seniors, losses of jobs, losses of family members and friends and your spouse will be your shoulder to lean on, shoulder to cry on, person to share your frustrations with. Everything should be done to deepen the companionship between a husband and wife so they are truly prepared to weather all the trials coming their way and grow closer to each other through them.

TO BE CONTINUED…………….