Husbands - Stuff You Should Know About Your Wife…
THE INSIDE SCOOP!
By Sherri
Men, listen up. I am about to unlock some of the best kept secrets of your women. This is the stuff they won’t tell you, but also the stuff they desperately want you to know:
WOMEN HATE TO PRIMP!
Part 1: THE TRUTH ABOUT SHOWERING:
Yes, I know “you think” your wife likes to take those lengthy luxurious showers, followed by sensuous strokes of painting nails, the perfected application and rinse of exfoliates, followed by the strategic treatment of fruit fragrant lotions and creams.
Yes, I know, you think it is a piece of cake. We have seen you delicately shaving your faces, carefully examining your face close up to the mirror. To put it into prospective, imagine not only shaving in the dark, without a mirror, but doing it on one leg often in a totally contorted position, with conditioner running into your eyes. Did you notice your precision was minimized?
I don’t know about all of you, but the lighting isn’t exacting pristine in my shower, nor are all the walls you sometimes need suddenly to rely upon - fixated. (I am referring to that thing called a door or in some cases a shower curtain.)
If you are lucky enough to have the shower curtain, you may recall, or be able to capture the essence of trying to shower while being attacked by a plastic curtain that has its heart set on becoming one with you.
Also, men have a much smaller circumference to consume control of, where women have a vast area to conquer, often within small time frames, not to mention small showers. There are special positions to assume both for creating a straight plain for tackledge, and another to avoid ones soapy lubrication from being washed away completely. This is very tricky to accomplish!
It doesn’t stop with legs as you may know, there are arm pits and other far more sensitive areas where accurate bearings are essential. None of these areas can be viewed clearly which has to do with not only lighting, but other bubbling body parts, lack of flexibility, and a deficit of an extra set of eyes.
Men if you think getting a nick is bad on your face, you should try one under your arm (where one applies deodorant), or where the rubber meets the road (referring to under the elastic on our undergarments!)
During this shower time, a women does not only achieve physical harmony with your physical body, she also has an out of body experience. This is generally the only time she has interrupted, so she makes the most of it. She plans the days meals, goes over her calendar of errands or appointments for the day, she goes over the dialog she will soon assume with her husband regarding the difference between the sink and the dishwasher, along with the verbiage to her boss regarding her next promotion. She will punish herself for that bag of chips and chocolate bar she just consumed, and praise herself for remembering to place a new clean towel beside the shower, bringing a new into the shower with her that day, and replacing the toilet paper roll (since kids her bladder can only hold out for so long and unlike her husband, she prefers to relieve herself in the actual toilet.)
Most of us women have gotten this whole shower scene down to the minute the shower’s hot water is spent, a gravity defying - award winning accomplishment in my eyes. Unfortunately no male in the household seems to share this achievement or want to jump in to our celebration.
Once the loofa has been properly executed and all conditioners, and exfoliates rinsed off, her days counselling session completed, and the shower sufficiently squeegeed down, she usually exits the shower exhausted, quite unlike our refreshed male counterpart. This may account for the lifted eyebrow response from your wife when you ask her if she enjoyed her shower.
Stay tuned for Part 2